I’ve been led thinking and believe that the entrance of people into our lives would significantly affect the ups and downs that we got through. Indeed, people come and goes and oftenly the ‘going’ phase is the hardest bits. It was difficult to me. I’d say that I sometimes could get really attached to people and often their worries, problems, joy and happiness becomes mine. However, I’m grateful to have come upon this realization so that I could design my very own emotions to hold on to. I often dreamt of ideal environment. Ideal people… I wish things around me could be perfect and used to set a bare standard on my mind that I will never tolerate mediocrity. I was ashamed for being that high standard kind of people. I was being selfish all this while and so I thought, instead of being frustrated with my imperfect surroundings, I should somehow appeal to the reality and voice out my concerns. Standing up for what I think what’s right and for what I think is wrong. I met people and usually and always I don’t listen to them. It is too much for me to take in from them. I couldn’t agree with most of their suggestions and that I don’t trust them. I find it difficult to work and get my opinions raised with the kind of situation I’m into. Living the life of an introvert, I felt depressed and tired all the time. I have so much thoughts running in my head that I wished I could share it with the world. Yet, they get so messed up and I often failed to even keep track of what I’m thinking.
Dear Allah, I know that You are listening to me wherever You are right now. Shed me Your light when I’m doomed especially when my thoughts dragged me to somewhere dark. Regardless of all those negative emotions I mentioned earlier, along the way… You taught me humility. You taught me to be humble in situations that long ago I would’ve my head exploding. Alhamdulillah for everything You’ve taught me. I imagined myself being somewhere deserted in the ocean. I have nobody and any communication with the outside world ceased. I cried for food, to quench my thirst and hunger but there were nothing edible that I could reach. Help what I’m used to define seems unreachable. I waited for help but it felt like forever, and ever. Yet, my heart’s still beating. I gazed at the stars at night, talking to the smiling moon before sleep then anxiously waiting for the generous sun at the break of the dawn. Miraculously, I realized oh Allah, for things that I face in this dunya, they are drowning me and I know I wouldn’t have survived if it weren’t You as my lifeboat. My safety life-jacket. Indeed, Your Mercy. Thank you Allah.